Hrm. Some thoughts I've arrived at over the last few years. Men are... well, let's not go there. Crying really doesn't make you feel better, and after five years of waiting, "forever" is just too blasted long. And pastors and ministers are sheepdogs, but I'll save that for my next post.
So, I, first the first time in my *coughcough* years of life, was actually driven to drink last night for the first time ever. I mean, yeah, I've said I've needed a drink at the odd stressful moment, but never actually broke out a bottle or anything. So yeah.. last night was not a good night. Why, you may ask? Oh, funny story. My ex boyfriend came for a visit. My ex boyrfiend who I've been trying to get back together with but who just hasn't had time for me necause of all the stuff going on in his life. So finally, I determined I'm done waiting, and have met a very nice man that I am interested in seeing more of. We've been together approximately three months.
Back to the ex boyfriend. Now that I've been honestly working at moving on after FIVE years of waiting, and the ex dicking around, said ex pops himself back into the pictures with "oh, I'm not confused anymore and I want to work things out, blahblahblah" So thinking myself still in love, I blurt out to him one night that I'm not in love with the guy I'm seeing now, but that I do still love him. So, he breaks out the vacation days to dive 200 miles to pay me a visit.
Of course, he doesn't show up when he said he was originally going to. "Something came up," the standard explanation for five years of having something better to do than try to work through the problems we were having. I'm sure whatever it was was valid and certainly necessary, but still...
ANYHOO... two days after the day he was supposed to show up, he finally arrives. (Sadly, even the 3-4hr trip down here amazing took nearly twelve hours) The minute I saw him, I came to the shocking conclusion that, while I may still love him, I am not, as cliche as it sounds, in love with him. Go figure. Naturally, he's here in the interests of "seeing if there's still a 'spark' between us.. and later in the evening starts trying to be touchy-feely. Noticing I'm obviously attempting to avoid "romance," he asks me about it, and I honestly answer to the effect that I am not going to cheat on the boyfriend I have now, regardless of feelings one way or another.
It was like an instant wall crashed down between us, tension all of a sudden so thick I needed a knife to cut through to the kitchen... where I promptly filled a 1/3 full bottle of Simply Lemonade the remaining 2/3 with tequila, grabbed a salt shaker, and proceeded to imbibe. Didn't get a chance to find out if I actually intended to get plastered, because the ex finally came to check on where I disappeared to. He apologized and said I shouldn't beat myself up for a mistake he made...
Whatever.
Would probably be breaking out the rest of that stuff if not for the fact that even if I didn't drink enough to get drunk, I still had a half-queasy stomach the rest of the night. Tequila is pretty nasty unless mixed as a proper margarita, and I've become rather partial to the strawberry margaritas....
